Second Breakfast

When my cousin Alethea was little she used to always have her "second breakfast"
It was super cute. Now that I'm 23, and in the working world...I'm having them to.

I just finished reading "Wild at Heart" and it's a really good book to learn about both the heart and desires of men, and a tad bit about women also. The author was right on about what we were created for, and what parts of God are instilled in us. since we are afterall, created in his image. I really like how he sees men created after God's image as a passionate warrior, seeking adventure, rescuing a beauty. And women, he views after God's image of desiring to be worshiped, to be lovely and worth fighting for. One statement stuck out, it said "Don't do what you think the world needs you to do. Figure out what makes you come alive and do that. The world needs people who are alive." Anyhow, read it if you get a chance.

It got me thinking about the "working world" and how most of us aren't made up to get up the same time every day, drive in traffic, get to work, sit in a cube, and go home. Although, I have to admit I've realized that some are. My roommates actually told me, "a cubicle is fine with me." I suppose it really does vary. However, I can't imagine that God created all of us to do that. He gave us the sun and the grass to enjoy. He gave us these bodies to use. I recall how good it feels when you get done playing outside, or physically working hard that you are exhausted. A good exhausted. I am so thankful that I have a job, a good one, one where I actually to work with a couple of friends and car pool. Thinking outside of that...I wonder what we were truely made for. I feel a segway to Haiti happening.

Missionary lives are a lot different then what people think. They get a lot of time. Time that is spent with their family, time spent with the community, time with friends...time...is of no issue. It's funny really. Life in Haiti and other countries it seems, is not built around an agenda planner, meeting after meetings, or even a regular day. Every day there seems to be completely unpredictable. Not only that, it's all physical. Third world countries do not have the technological advances that we Americans do, and sure they need to go get the mango from the tree to feed their family, or they need to walk to the market to get their fish for the night but there really isn't much wrong with that. In fact, it feels great. And, it's almost the same thing we do...(job=money=grocery)...except its all direct, versus ours. The thing I loved most about being in Haiti was the way people spent time together. People walked miles just to talk to someone. Women walked up mountains with food in a basket on their heads to have dinner with a friend. And no one, was ever crunched for time. No one had to pencil anyone in. It felt really good to just be with people. At the end of the day it felt so good to fall on my bed completely wiped out from the day. The sun and sweat and the joy of the people physically exhausting me. I loved it because it felt more real than anything else. There isn't anything wrong with working hard, being on time, or meeting with people...it's just that it is such a huge contrast. And sometimes I wonder, are we missing the point? Am I missing the point? What are you created to do? I'm not sure if I'll ever figure that out for myself. I know parts of it. I know when I feel alive, when I feel I've earned my day, when I feel unused and when I feel utilized...I just want to challenge you to think about it. I just really enjoyed the way of life there, and I hear it's the same in other places. I know it's completely different here. And I wonder if I'll always miss that. If I'll always walk around just knowing that there is a whole nother way to live...I guess I'll give more on that later. It's just my thoughts these days.

Brian Spencer

Over a week ago, a friend of mine from High School, Brian Spencer, past away. He was part of a close knit group I had in high school, then he actually went to school in BG. It was one of those groups where all your friends parents knew your parents...and where you experience all types of situations together. He was part of that. Spencer was actually an interesting guy, he was in choir, plays, and musicals with me. He was a big part of my high school life actually. He was there through it all. Lots of Dairy Queen trips, cast parties...high school memories. He was actually a gymnast and a super healthy guy. I even remember when I started "experimenting" with drinking etc. he was really against it. Eventually, his life changed, he started to party a lot...and at BG I never really saw him. I had actually grown out of that stage mid-bgsu life and I remember specifically it was right before his birthday, late February, when I saw him on Campus. He really looked cleaned up and when I talked to him it seemed as though he was doing really well. I called him on his birthday March 1st, which is a day before mine just to talk. We used to celebrate our birthdays together, along with another friend. Oh I remember the triple birthday, I barely knew him and his best friend my freshman year of high school...and they put my name on their birthday cake. We celebrated the year after also. Anyhow, it wasn't much longer after that day when I found out he was doing back flips on a trampoline, waiting to go to a birthday dinner with his family and girlfriend, when he fell on his neck and became paralized from the neck down. In one swift moment, he was a quadrapalegic. My friends, Nathan Baker and Brian Gerhardstein and I went to see him in the hospital. He couldn't talk on his own, he couldn't breathe on his own...and there he was. After that I saw him every now and then, with the support of his family, technology, and something within him he pressed on with life. He didn't become a saint, he stayed himself. He went to school, he went to parties, he came and visited his friends in Dayton. He did, put a few more handicapped parking spaces in BG...and he was an inspiration...because his personality was still the same. No one could possibly imagine what he went through. And even still, it blows my mind to think about it. To go from living, walking, breathing...let alone being a gymnast...to depending on people and machines to get through everyday life...it's inconceivable. It makes me thankful of course, the fact that I'm healthy and fortunate to be this way. Also, it makes a person reflect on what God gives us, daily. And also, what he allows to happen, and sometimes we have no answer for that. I can't answer the questions of my old high school friends, "why did this happen to him, why did God allow it to happen?" And it's hard to know I can't answer that. Because I know God is good, and I know he is sovereign. However, why hurt and tragedy in the world is allowed...is in his plan...and it's something none of us will ever be able to comprehend. It doesn't stop me from praising God. For praising him for Brian Spencer's life. Or, for thanking him because he gave Brian the ability to carry on. I just hope, that his soul was ready to go. And it seems Spencer's gift to his friends and family, was hope. In any situation, there is hope. To be yourself and carry on no matter what you are going through. His second gift, reuniting some old friends, and the joy of some great memories. When I went home for his funeral...so much was rekindled. I saw faces and heard voices that hadn't been familiar in years. And it was comforting to go through the process, with people who once knew me and knew him well. And now, we've all recognized, the importance of staying in touch...because you share your time with people...you share your life with people...and its important to not forget that.

Pictures from Family Christmas

Look, it's barely been a month and already I'm slacking! Yikes! The past 2 weeks have been really interesting to say the least. Back to the old grind at work from the holidays and I had a blast the other weekend... We went out dancing with Beth Bardeau (good old tbolt) and her roommates. We went to Adams Morgan and busted some serious move on the dance floor...the first time since I tore my acl... SUCCESS! You know, I wouldn't care if the "bar scene" was just water, good music, and everyone in sweats...I absolutely love to cut a rug. The night finished with a huge slice of JUMBO PIZZA...which I have to say, beats BGSU's eateries anyday...sorry falcons...and a long taxi ride. The next day was a bit rough, I worked at 8am...and thats never fun to do on a Saturday. Actually, the rest of the weekend was all about sleeping, and hanging out with Eric. I've found that it's really hard to go from Christmas vacation where we are around each other all the time, back to reality of our own homes and things to do...but we make the transition smooth by hanging out a lot when we return. It's easier for the soul. I never expected that once we got engaged, the time that I want to be with him has increased, because all of a sudden, it doesn't feel natural to be without him. I think I am trying to find the balance of this stage. Where you are still yourself, in your independent life, your own past, own home, own interests and friends...but everyday those things meld together more and more...and soon it makes you happier to have that other person in all of those aspects as well. The fiance role is interesting, one where your life is amost completely changed...but not quite yet. And I'm really excited to figure out this time. To enjoy it and live it up! I can feel the onset of some serious soul searching and a deepened understanding of my heart...and where it's meant to be. When Eric and I were debating between March and June (sooner or later)...I honestly felt myself saying March...but God saying June. I wonder why...but I think I'm beginning to understand it. Enjoying the season that you are in. And though I am so anxious to fulfill the role as 'wife'...that isn't what will make me complete. Contentedness...comes from only one. And perhaps, my struggle will always be getting that satisfaction from where its supposed to come...not from anything else. Something to ponder.